TIRED OF THE SAME-OLD SAME-OLD, LA JOLLA — In 2012, UC San Diego hired Wisconsin-based law professor Linda Greene to fill the newly created position of Vice Chancellor for Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion. Now, after barely more than a year on the job, with nothing by way of explanation (or visible results), Greene has gone back to Wisconsin. But UCSD Chancellor Pradeep Khosla has vowed to find a replacement, and has already begun putting out feelers, in the form of a Dr. Seuss-style letter sent to key candidates nationwide. (Dr. Seuss, aka Theodore Geisel, was a great friend to the University, and its library bears his name and houses the his papers.) SD on the QT has obtained a copy of the letter, and presents it here without comment.
Too Many Nguyens (pronounced "nwens")
An unofficial adaptation of Dr. Seuss's "Too Many Daves"
- We can't quite explain all the whys and the whens
- But UCSD just has too many Nguyens
- And too many Itos, Tanakas, and Wangs
- Also too many Kims, and Parks, Lees, and Yangs
- Over forty percent have roots in the East
- We need to reduce that by ten points, at least!
- We brought in a Chancellor and paid her a lot
- But she didn't help move our numbers one jot
- So now she is gone, and we're looking afresh
- For someone to bring in some other-hued flesh
- And to help clarify, we've made out a list
- Not quotas, exactly, but you get the gist.
- We need a Sadiki, a Mwamba, a Tau
- Got some African blood? We need you, and how!
- A Proudfoot would send us right over the moon
- American Natives can't get here too soon!
- All you Mexican types whose name ends in "z"
- Gomez and Lopez - you suit us to a T!
- Filipinos, yes please! Even Caucasians!
- Come on and help us offset all these Asians.
- Diversity doesn't take care of itself
- We'll need you to be our diversity elf
- And if you can get all those names on the bill
- We'll happily pay you a cool quarter mil