QUICKENING MY PACE AS I PASS THE NEWSPAPER RACKS, DOWNTOWN — In honor of Valentine's Day, both the San Diego Reader and San Diego CityBeat released their annual sex-themed issues today. And as usual, both editors were quick to proclaim their product as superior.
"Frankly, I'm a bit disappointed in CityBeat," said Reader features editor Ernesto Prim. "They've always pitched themselves as the edgier, more transgressive of the city's weekly newspapers. But this year, they've not only pixellated the cover-shot coitus, they've gone and put the dreaded black censor bar right over the most active part of the action. Here at the Reader, we're not ashamed of doing what comes naturally, and we're not afraid of offending delicate sensibilities in our mission to uncover the truth. That's just part of being a good journalist. As a result, our cover photo is unpixelated and uncensored. You can see everything."
"Ewwwwwww," responded CityBeat editor Donald Androll. "The Reader's cover is gross, but I can't say I'm surprised. "I'm sure that's how they view sex over there — as the mucousy, awkward melding of two amorphous blobs for the sake of fulfilling the biological imperative to procreate."
As of press time, San Diegans had yet to pick up a copy of either paper.