My pal Trish and I met at my new favorite coffeehouse, Coffee & Tea Collective in North Park, to discuss our friend Taylor’s birthday. Taylor is nearing a certain milestone birthday that she’s less than thrilled about. As Trish put it, “She thinks she’s about to hit the downhill slope.” So, we planned to make her birthday so happy that she’d forget how miserably old she’s gotten. (Kidding, Taylor!)
“Let’s get some car bling for her birthday,” said Trish as we sipped our lattes. “I hate that expression,” I said, “but, okay, I’ll look into it. From what I’ve seen of ride pimpage on TV, it isn’t going to be cheap.”
“I’m not talking about painting flames on it and installing a high-powered stereo,” Trish responded. “Let’s just, you know, pretty it up a bit. It’ll make her short drive toward death a little more cheerful.”
“Now you’ve made me spit out my coffee,” I said, wiping the table between us. “I’ll see what I can find.”
Over coffee the following week, I filled Trish in on my ideas.
“If you want a little sparkle when you downshift, we can order an Icy Bedazzled Swarovski Crystal Gear Shift [$95 from icy-couture.3dcartstores.com]. Colors are light rose or jet. The jet looks like a flame with gold crystals morphing into red at the top of the gear shift.”
“This blinging could get pricey,” noted Trish.
“I warned you about that,” I said. “There are a few cheaper items. ICY Couture sells crystallized car letters for $20 a letter or number,” I continued, “so her new Scion xB can sparkle through the Gaslamp for $40...if we only crystallize the xB.”
Trish looked skeptical, so I jumped to the next idea. “We can also bring in some love for her cigarette lighter,” I laughed. “A Crystal Bling Cigarette Lighter to replace the standard plastic one. It’s in a silver finish with crystals [$9.99 at shopcustomcreations.com].”
She still looked skeptical. “Well, then, if you don’t like my ideas, what did you find?” I asked.
“I noticed that Brookstone is selling leopard-print floor mats,” Trish offered. “Taylor loves her some leopard [$19.99 for the four-piece Carpet Auto Floormats at brookstone.com].”
“That might work,” I said.
“I saw that Sharper Image is selling a Tablet Cupholder Mount, so her cupholder will hold her iPad mini, which will be helpful for her road trip this summer,” Trish explained, “easy map-reading while she burns up the roads [$49.99 at sharperimage.com].”
“And I found a solar charger for any of her USB devices,” Trish added. “Sol Sport Solar Charging Kit for Mobile Devices ‘Battery-and solar-charger kits for geeks on the go,’” she read from the thinkgeek.com website ($49.99–$69.99).
“This won’t work for Taylor,” I said, “but there’s got to be someone we know who needs a Bacon Scented Air Freshener [$3.99 at thinkgeek.com] that looks and smells just like bacon.”
“Aren’t you friends with Ron Swanson of the Pawnee Parks and Rec department?” Trish asked with a wink.
I answered with my favorite Swanson quote, “You had me at meat tornado.”
“And your comic-geek brother would love the car decals I found: he could be Iron Man, Captain America, Wolverine...over 50 decals to choose from,” I added. (Iron Man Family Decals sell for $4.99 at thinkgeek.com.)
“Oh, please, don’t talk about my perpetually 12-year-old brother. Let’s get back to the girly bling for Taylor,” pleaded Trish.
“Nothing is girlier than long, luscious eyelashes,” I declared. “We can order some Black 3D Car Eyelash Headlights Stickers by Product Engine, and it’ll give her xB some flirty headlight lashes [$6.98 for a pair on Amazon].”
“Or, how about adding some sparkle to her seatbelts with Black & White Butterfly Gem Crystal Studded Rhinestone Seat Belt Shoulder Pads?” I asked. “They velcro around the seatbelt, gives a little love to the neck, and she will love the butterflies [$13.95 for the pair at LA Auto Gear on Amazon].
“And to illuminate all this bling, Pep Boys sells a Pilot 12-inch LED Flexible Techno Lite in red for $29.99 each,” I suggested. “They are peel-and-stick and cut to fit, easy for us to put in. The light lasts over 100,000 hours.”
“Awesome,” Trish said. “Next year we do my car.”