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Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights is a veritable butt bonanza! Clockwise from upper left: butt bouquet (a rose in any other place would smell as sweet!), blue butts, early colonoscopy, bottom feeder.

Over 10,000 years ago, playa-gatherers admired the first badonkadonk. Since then, butts have spread across the globe and have come to be known by many names. Other than breasts, and perhaps legs, they are the most widely admired body parts in the world.

The pursuit of booty led us to build shelters, start wars, and write the first epic poems. (Helen of Troy had the backspace that haunched a thousand hips.) As our relationship with butts continued, they became part of our daily life, songs, and culture. The thickness reflects the foundation of civilization.

Some people think playing the butt trumpet is as simple as eating beans and onions, but as these illustrations make clear, it can involve some pretty complicated fingering technique.

Like the earliest rump rangers, today’s butt nuts are innovators who add new techniques, terminology, and approaches in pursuit of the perfect caboose. Their quest will never end, but it has created a twerk-jerk culture that is spreading across North America and the world.

Medieval Europe

Now we know why they called them the Dark Ages: because it was all about where the sun don’t shine! From Bosch to Benedictines, the Medievals were consummate craftsmen when it came to the art of the arse.

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Comments

Scott Marks Dec. 24, 2013 @ 4:10 p.m.

Bosh on Bosch! Give me Disney's anal fetishism any day!

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