Rapture
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According to all the billboards around San Diego, the rapture is coming, and it'll be here this Saturday. Obviously, there is much preparation to be done. On the actual day of judgment, I'll be attending an "End of the World Potluck," which of course is competitive. The categories include: Most Apocalyptic, Most Rapture-Worthy, Biggest Sinner, and the David Fokos Final Bite Award. David, who has won every previous food competition, will not only be competing (his dish will fall into the Biggest Sinner category, but I can't divulge what he's cooking just yet), but he also gets to choose who will win his namesake award.

I plan to binge until I vomit, maybe kill a few people and take the Lord's name in vain, and then, at the last minute, surrender myself to Jesus and ascend with the rest of the believers. But my friends have other plans. Some are attending a popular event on Facebook, called Post Rapture Looting. Others have conspired to collect clothes and leave piles of outfits all around town on the 22nd, to freak out the believers who weren't snapped up with the souls of whoever left those piles of clothes.

I wonder how quickly the organizations who posted those billboards will race to take them down on Sunday. Will they risk missing church to remove evidence of their prediction gaff? This remains to be seen. I'm thinking of scouting out the billboard on Adams Avenue overnight, after the potluck party, to see firsthand how the cry-wolfers deal with this one.

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Comments

bankalchemist May 20, 2011 @ 9:18 a.m.

so you have to wonder what all the believers will say or attempt to justify when the day comes and goes and everything is "normal" as Friday in San Diego. If there is a Rapture Event and all of a sudden these folks are missing traffic can not get much worse as it is so we need to take that into consideration. Life Insurance salesman are probably doing well today. Someone need to grab some pictures of the billboards for posterity going forward. Gas prices will probably go down being demand falls. There has to be an upside for the non believers.

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Barbarella Fokos May 20, 2011 @ 1:10 p.m.

Right there with you. There is much cause for sinners to celebrate if there's any validity to this. In the meantime, I understand the church promoting rapture talk just made $72 million. If I knew it was that profitable to predict the end, I might have ended up in another industry. ;)

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Radical Uterus May 21, 2011 @ 12:31 p.m.

It is Saturday Judgement day. The traffic outside is as loud as ever so I know the righteous were not driving today when they were taken to Heaven. My Radical Uterus celebrated Judgement Day by eating meat. Big juicy beef burger with grilled onions and dripping melted American cheese. I have been judged. I am an omnivore. It appears that I'll eat anything once, and if it is good I'll eat it again.

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Barbarella Fokos May 21, 2011 @ 2:59 p.m.

In a few hours, I'll post video of David's entry for the Sinner category, or "least healthy" dish at the End of the World potluck party. Thank God for wine, maybe I won't remember much. ;)

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Fred Williams May 22, 2011 @ 12:22 a.m.

Here it is Sunday morning, and I cannot hide my dissappointment.

I had contacted all my godly friends and arranged to take over for them when they got raptured...but nothing happened.

Now I'm really screwed. Stuck on earth with a bunch of annoying christians AND none of them are willing to honor their agreements to give me their worldly goods.

Oh well. I'm sure the end will be neigh again soon enough...

(Sorry I missed the potluck on the eve of rapture. Is it too early to begin planning for the big end of year party celebrating 2012?)

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Twister May 22, 2011 @ 2:24 a.m.

Too bad. A world without the righteous might be an interesting place.

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Barbarella Fokos May 22, 2011 @ 12:06 p.m.

Ha! I'm right there with you, Fred. I just posted a short update (click more diary of diva above to see it), complete with video of the sinful dish David made. When 6 o'clock came and went, we just drank more wine to cope with the knowledge that stupidity is going to be around for a while longer. ;)

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