The Lingerie Football League — beautiful women in panties and bras playing tackle football
  • The Lingerie Football League — beautiful women in panties and bras playing tackle football
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Well, Blair Cannon, 40, finished his 21-mile Catalina to mainland swim. He shoved off from Catalina Friday midnight, 8 hours and 17 minutes later washed ashore at Palos Verdes, finishing with the third-fastest time ever recorded, 12 minutes off the record. His plan was to raise $10,000 per mile, $210,000 total, for Monarch School and the Great Friends Foundation.

I reached him at his office Monday morning. He told me the latest money count is nearing $100,000. I wanted to know if the swim had gone as expected. Cannon said, “No. It was a really quick time. I would never have imagined that we could have pulled that kind of pace. There is nothing in my training or swimming background that would suggest I could have pulled that off... Inspiration at a level I hadn’t experience before. I didn’t wear a watch, and I never asked how we were doing until the sun came up at 5:30. They notified me that I was on the pace to break a world record.”

The Box offers congratulations. Nicely done, lad.

Tiger Woods, 35, and getting older every day, finished the Bridgestone Invitational on Sunday. Naysayers will claim there was no cut at the Bridgestone so everybody finished, but that is mere detail.

Tiger finished 18 shots behind the winner, Adam Scott. The highlight of the tournament, and an exceptionally fine karmic moment as well, concerned caddie Steve Williams. Last month, after 12 years service, after 2 years hanging around waiting on his boss to play golf, Williams was fired by Mr. Woods. Thence, Williams took up bagman duties at the Bridgestone for the aforementioned Bridgestone tournament winner, Adam Scott. Williams describe the Bridgestone as, “...the greatest week of my life caddying, and I sincerely mean that.”

We know you do.

This is another plot point in the unfolding of Tiger Woods made-for-TV public life. Wife, golf coach, caddie, sponsors have left Tiger as they had to in order to make way for Tiger Woods, The Man. ACT III. Redemption or Delusion?

What if Tiger continues to play golf at this midlist level, and that’s it? PGATOUR.com ranks 261 players on their money list. The lowest is José María Olazábal, who has, so far, earned $6330 in 2011. The highest is Luke Donald, who claimed $4,293,248 year-to-date. Tiger Woods is ranked 106th, he’s earned $629,863 since January 1.

For most of us, making $600,000 in seven months is good enough to pay the bills, provide toys, and fund exotic vacations. For Tiger, making $600,000 in seven months is a humiliation.

Now comes the redemption or delusion part. What if Tiger stays midlist and continues to play year after midlist year? Say, he plays 15 more midlist years. Tiger makes the cut some weeks, finishes fourth some weeks, misses the cut some weeks, but plays on. And on. And on. At what point, dare I say it, does he become a person to admire. You know, it takes courage to go out and be midlist in front of the world after you’ve been the Best Golfer Who Ever Lived.

Is that it? Or are we watching someone who is your normal gutless civilian but living an epic delusion, thinking next week he’ll win, next week he’ll break the course record, and the rest of the world knows he’ll have to make do with a lousy $1 million-a-year for the rest of his midlist life?

The horror.

We’re just two weeks away from the start of the 2011–2012 LFL season. LFL, by the way, stands for Lingerie Football League. The LFL has 12 teams split into an Eastern Conference and a Western Conference. They have a television contract with MTV2, who will broadcast 20 regular season games, plus two conference playoff games and a championship game. Listen up people, LFL Presents: Friday Night Football on MTV2 will premiere August 26 at 6 p.m. Green Bay vs. Minnesota (take Green Bay and the points).

Teams play two 17-minute halves on a 50-yard field. Each team fields seven players. It is sex, of course. Beautiful women in panties and bras playing tackle football. Can’t get around that. But, at least for the games I’ve watched, the football is good, much better than I would have thought.

One last thing: the LFL announced a new business plan. It’s forward-thinking, pace-sitting, the new sports standard. In order to create more jobs, the LFL will quit paying it’s players. Last year players made something like $500 to $1200 per game. This year players work for the love of the game (and for whatever shake they can skim off the table).

No one has quit.

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Comments

Twister Aug. 12, 2011 @ 12:55 p.m.

Finally, a rational reason to watch football! But wait, my visual stimulus center is inop.

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SurfPuppy619 Aug. 12, 2011 @ 7:16 p.m.

Oh, how I would love to be a football in this league!

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