The man is blessed with thick calves — voluptuous, meaty calves. He says that’s what attracted me to him. The man likes to see me laugh.

The ample gams war against his soccer socks. The sock is either too tight, cutting off circulation, or it sags, invoking images of an elephant’s leg. So, Eve here is on a mission to find some proper-fitting socks.

“The two big dogs for soccer,” offered Adam Jacobs, manager of Soccer Fanatic, located in Murphy Canyon (858-715-6800), “are Nike and Adidas.... Typically, they run anywhere from $6 to $18 for a pair of socks. I like the Adidas socks: the foot bed is nice and well cushioned, and I like the material on the sock and also the three-stripe look. But there are other people that will tell you they like Nike or Puma. Adidas offers their ClimaLite and ClimaCool socks and Nike sells Dri-FIT. Different kinds of materials that they use help the socks be a little more breathable or some for compression or for support. It comes down to personal preference....”

“A lot of people like Nike and Adidas for the brand, but that is not to say that there aren’t some other soccer socks that are fine,” offered Daniel Antoniuk, manager of Boca Soccer Store in Old Town (619-756-7528). “The Nike and Adidas socks run from $8 to $10.”

What should a consumer look for when buying soccer socks?

“You can look for extra cushion down where your foot is in the shoe,” Antoniuk answered. “Some socks are thicker, which gives a little bit more comfort. Usually, synthetic socks are the best, in my opinion. They dry fast....you can wash them by hand in the sink and hang them up and they will be dry for the next day.”

Soccer USA, located in east Mission Valley (619-282-8322), carries Nike, Adidas, Diadora, and Joma. “The socks run from $5 to $20, and this is just regular socks,” said owner Joseph. “But if you go for team socks — say, USA or England — then they go up to $35. Of course, that doesn’t mean that $35 is the real price: when you buy any of these, a percentage of that cost you are donating to that club or that team.”

Patrick ran out and bought a few pairs to wrap around his calves. Walmart’s only offering, Mitre Soccer Socks ($5.86 for one pair), looked bad from the start. “I’m having a hard time pulling them over my calf,” said Pat, “and the skinny elastic band around the top of the sock is cinching me behind the knee.”

Adidas Gametime Soccer Sock ($10 for the two-pack at Sports Authority) had the best price point for the two socks but came up an inch too short on the leg. “They hit at the center of the calf rather than above it, so they would be sliding down the calf during the game.”

The best feature of the Adidas ForMotion Elite with ClimaLite ($14.39 a pair at soccerfanatic.com) was the toe seam. “Some of the socks, there’s bunching along the seam. This pair doesn’t have that. But it feels too tight in the toe area.” The vertical white stripes down the side of the calf and the Adidas logo on the shin offended the man’s style. “Do I have to be a billboard for these companies?”

“Yes, you do,” I replied.

Its cousin, the Adidas Copa Zone Cushion with ClimaLite ($10 a pair at Sports Authority) was the longest sock of the group and felt similar to the ForMotion Elite.

I was beginning to despair of him ever laying hands on a pair of socks he liked until he opened the last two packages. The Nike Pro Soccer Fit Dry ($15 for a two-pack at Sports Authority) were stiffer than the other socks, but Pat said, “I like the cushioned bottom. Usually when I get home from a game, I immediately take my socks off, they’re so hot. These I’d not be in such a hurry to remove — they breathe really well.”

The other winner of the evening was the Adidas Metro Soccer Sock ($4.49 a pair at soccerfanatic.com). “I don’t feel like they are constricting me, but they stay up as they ought to. There’s a nice band right up at the ankle that prevents the shin guard from sliding down. These are keepers.”

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