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Unforeseen Benefit of keeping up this Blog: It is hot outside and I am inside where it is (slightly) cooler. Since I am producing something--instead of the pre-blog days of just looking at craigslist for the sheer joy of the thing--I do not feel like I am wasting my days hiding from the sun.

As far as today's Runner-Up goes, I have this to say: Oh, snap! Somebody bought Lavendar (sic) file folders and then decided it would be a terrible idea to file everything in light purple. Live and learn, eh?

Narrowly edging out the ample and spirited competition for today's big Best Of win:

NEED A COSTUME???? (NORMAL HEIGHTS)

As far as common internetiquette goes, this poster is basically screaming at us in a foreign language. I'm continually baffled as to why such an extraordinary number of people feel compelled to TYPE EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS WITH LITTLE REGARD TO PUNCTUATION GRAMMAR OR SPELLING. Frankly, I am shocked that there are people living in 2009 who think it's even a remotely valid notion to type everything with caps lock on. Why do this? I swear, this looks like it's the first encounter the poster every had with a keyboard, much less a computer. It was kind of hilarious (sort of) in 1993 when your grandmother was using the computer down at the public library to send emails and they came out looking like they were typeset by the blind. Although, in reality, the blind probably make phenomenal typesetters. Regardless, someone posting an ad for sexy costumes is (probably) young enough to have adequate experience with the internet that she (though 'he' would certainly be more interesting...) knows enough not to type in all caps.

Speaking of the sexy nature of the costumes in question, I am terribly curious to know what kind of use these were put to. Is this some sort of exotic dancer situation? Maybe (s)he's just crazy about Halloween? I don't know. This is what really piques my curiosity though:

"I ACCEP (sic) TRADES LET ME KNOW WHAT U HAVE ;)"

I feel strangely solicited by this. What happens if I respond saying, "I will spank you, fiercely, in exchange for those costumes?" Would that possibly be an acceptable trade? Is that the kind of "WHAT U HAVE ;)" in question? I shudder to think, but my extremely overactive imagination can't help but dwell, and deeply, on the strangeness contained in that poorly punctuated, misspelled, and be-winky-faced line. Perhaps I am supposed to offer drugs in exchange for "THISSS COSTUMES" and the winky face is there to let me know that, yes, while we will be engaged in illegal activities (viz. the trading of narcotics), it will all be done on the sly and I can rest assured that no one will be the wiser. Again, I sincerely hope this is not the case. With such a narrow band of information to play with, however, we are forced to fill in all the gaps, background, and extraneous details of a craigslist ad. I read these things and sometimes I invent sordid histories of murder and infidelity to explain an innocent yard sale. Other times, I see love and affection in a set of cassette tapes (see previous post). It's the beauty of the advertisements that, in order to get closure of information, we have to be imaginative.

Now I'm wicked creeped out, which is sort of awful.

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Comments

SDaniels Sept. 26, 2009 @ 12:53 a.m.

"REALLY NIECE COSTUMES WORE THEM ONCE FOR LIKE 2 HOURS AND THE SEXY SUPER GIRL ITS BRAND NEW."

It's clear that her 'niece' is the one to blame for all of thisss, Pike, for like, two hours!

I just do not think that the blank cassette tapes for teachers can ever ever be beat. CALL ME A SYNIK!!!!!!

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FullFlavorPike Sept. 26, 2009 @ 2:37 a.m.

I guess that's the downside of striking absolute gold on your second day blogging--tough to top the cassettes, for sure. Although, in the long run, I'm partial to just about any classified ad, however poorlie spelt.

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FullFlavorPike Sept. 26, 2009 @ 9:57 a.m.

Ha! That'd definitely be SOMETHING DIFFRENT THISS YEAR for her.

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CuddleFish Oct. 1, 2009 @ 8:34 p.m.

Congratulations, Pike! Always enjoy reading your posts!

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David Dodd Oct. 1, 2009 @ 8:41 p.m.

Oh yeah, Pike's always entertaining. Now he can splurge on a heavy safe ;)

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SDaniels Oct. 1, 2009 @ 8:45 p.m.

Congrats! Some of Pike's entries are worthy of first prize!

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 1, 2009 @ 11:50 p.m.

w00t!

Thanks to all you guys for your support and welcoming of my persona!

<3 you all already!

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 2, 2009 @ 3:02 p.m.

I learned it all in Socrates' Bar and Grill ;)

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Adam92102 Oct. 2, 2009 @ 8:16 p.m.

This makes me >:O and :( to have that constant reminder that people are this scary. I once had an idea to start up a company that contracted out personal editors. I got this idea while working as a lowly Corporate Whore for a major bank in their mortgage division and the regional manager approached me with this request:

"Adam, you're a smart guy. Can you go over an email I wrote to the company, just to make sure it sounds and reads right? I'm just no good at this writing in an email thing."

Anyway. I wanted to start this company for people who just don't care how they spend their money, as long as it's all nice and neat. Well, I realized a few days after I sent it in for funding that I shouldn't have done the damn thing in all caps. I just wanted them to know how excited I was about my idea, ya know? Oh well, c'est lavie.

Oh, and nice blog. I see why you're the third biggest winner. Next time I want you to come into work claiming you came in first. I mean, that is if I don't win first. It's on like Donkey Kong.

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FullFlavorPike Oct. 3, 2009 @ 4:29 p.m.

Never do anyone who approaches you with the phrase, "you're a smart guy!" They can't want anything good from you...

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CuddleFish Oct. 31, 2009 @ 8:41 a.m.

Great story, thanks for this, I could relate.

"Our conversation is punctuated with made-up words and expressions and sound effects that maybe two or three other people in the world--people once close to us--would understand."

This gave it a whole other dimension.

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