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Wednesday October 31 CSI: Miami A&E 7:00 p.m. The show I'm waiting for is CSI: Smurf Village. Although because they are, I assume, bloodless and semenless creatures, I'm not sure how the offending criminals could be tracked down. Perhaps there is some other substance, let's call it "smurf," which could leave us clues. "Did you smurf the smurf spatter on that hallway mirror? You know what that means. This is a repeat smurfer. This one goes to Smurficide Division."

Thursday October 32 (Yes, I know it's November 1st. I think this is funnier.) Good Eats Food 8:00 p.m. There are a great many things in life I will never be able to do. Dunk a basketball is one. Just off the top of my head, which hovers around five feet and six inches. Number two is host a cooking show. My sixth grade sense of humor wouldn't allow me to make it through a show that required the repeating of the words, bone, meat, and pork. Heh. Pork.

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