You found out today that the girls next door are moving. You are very upset about this. You told me you would have to say goodbye to them forever, all the while with tears in your eyes. You cried and cried. This brought back memories of when I was packing everything up to move across country with you a couple of years ago. You cried then, too, saying you would have to say goodbye to all the familiar people and places of your life thus far, for "FOREVER!" It made me feel like crap then (even though I knew it would be for the best) and it makes me feel like crap all over again.
I have explained to you it will be okay. We will also be moving...sooner than later. I told you that change and different situations can be good. You can meet new people and make new friends. You can have new adventures.
But this relationship with those little girls was your first experience at a real friendship and playmates that you could play with on a regular basis. All you had to do was step out into your back yard.
As long as I live, I will never forget the days you would come running to me shouting, "Mommy, mommy! Emma and Brianne are outside! Can I go out and play?" -- a milestone that took years to attain. You would go darting out the back door squealing greetings to the girls through smiles and giggles as they did the same back to you. I am sure you also will never forget the kisses goodbye at the end of the day; chasing fireflies at night in the summer; swimming in the pool, those lazy, long, hot summer days, sharing toys, tents, popsicles, and dreams.
On a day such as today, I feel inadequate. I wish that I had a shoulder to cry on. I wish I could make it all better. I know God is there to always hear me out, because I doubt most any other human wants to hear me going on and on. I am thankful for this. As I sit here and spill the beans, even if only partly, I know in the long run everything will be fine.
But it can be exhausting doing it all by yourself. Or even feeling as if you are doing it all by yourself.
I am busy telling everyone else it will be okay. I sometimes just wish I had someone around to verbally do the same for me...even if I already know things will be okay.
I love you Noah, more than words can say. Mommy
XOXOXOX Dear Noah,
My birthday wishes for you are many: I wish you will always find your way in the world with confidence and security in the knowledge of who you are and what you can offer to this world and to others.
I wish for your safety and protection so you can live a full, prosperous life.
I wish for peace in your busy mind and understanding so you can handle living in my world.
I wish for you to continue to love the Lord, pure in heart and soul as you do now.
I wish for you the ability to avoid a lot of the crap most kids when teenagers have to go through to learn. My hope is you can learn by avoiding those challenges -- you have enough of your own already.
I wish for you to be able to feel fulfilled in your life at whatever you choose to do.
I wish for you to know you can do anything you set your mind to and to believe in yourself no matter what anyone else says.
I wish for you to continue to feel optimistic and hopeful, even when experiencing or seeing the horrors of the world today.
I wish for you to find a special love one day, if that is what you desire, so you won't be alone or lonely in this world but have someone special to share things with, to love, and love you back, and have a family.
I wish for you a newfound ability to eat more variety of foods without gagging or crying.
I wish for you to realize there are always consequences to your actions and to think about those consequences before taking action. This lesson will save you a lifetime of regret.
I wish for you to tackle life with the gusto and fervor you already do. To enjoy life and living even through sorrows. I wish for you to suffer few sorrows.
I wish for you to continue to be such a loving, compassionate little boy, who will one day turn into a loving, compassionate man. One who will know how to treat a lady as a lady should be treated and who can support himself.
I wish for you to stay as a child in your heart and see through a child's eyes so you can keep the wonder of the world within you.
I wish for you to have independence one day.
I wish for you to have no regrets in your lifetime.
I wish you will someday know just how much I love you.
I love you to the moon and back again, Noah! Mommy