Title: Cerebral Itch Scratch Pad
Author: Cerebral Itch
From: South Park
Blogging since: February 2007
Post Date: March 18, 2007
Post Title: Hi, Boomers, We'll Take It from Here Many things have been said about the 20- and 30-something centrist/liberal voters. Most have been derisive and dismissive: "apathetic", "insular," and "imbued with a sense of entitlement" are the most popular -- and for the most part, accurate -- sobriquets frequently used to describe these voters. But in all successful open societies, complexity gives way to equity. Balancing out apathy is frustration. Insularity has focus. And entitlement stokes ambition. When you have a segment of the population that consists of frustrated, focused, ambitious individuals nearing a presidential election in the current climate, empowered with tools that give unprecedented influence to voice, you're going to get change on a historic scale.
That change began in earnest last week. In a brilliantly guerilla-esque ad ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6h3G-lMZxjo ), an unknown Barack Obama supporter took the old Apple/Ridley Scott 1984 Super Bowl ad and remastered it, complete with digital enhancements ('08 logo on the shirt, iPod fastened to hip, etc.), to make Mrs. Clinton into Big Brother. Especially biting was the video of Mrs. Clinton that was used; it was her well-received cozy-sofa-chat debut video off of her own website.
Intelligent, skilled, motivated, and not connected to Madison Avenue or political consultant firms are the people that are going to wrest this country back from the Establishment. Dying on the vine are Karl Rove's mythical mailing lists and creaky prime-time swift boat ads. Their replacements: blogs, facebook pages, homemade viral videos, and meet-ups. Who needs street rallies when you can create an ad in your pajamas purely because you believe and end up on all three of the major news websites (MSNBC, FOX, CNN) the following Monday morning?
In 1979, futurist Alvin Toffler coined the word "prosumer." Initially, it referred to individuals who would have influence over their purchases (a mash-up of the words "producer" and "consumer"). Today, the term applies to anyone who has an innate understanding of the Web, technology, and branding, because, in actuality, we're not just voters anymore, but informed consumers who would like to upgrade from the current model.
Post Date: March 9, 2007
Post Title: Yes, World,
Dannielynn Is My Child As the controversy continues to build surrounding the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's infant daughter, I am compelled to break my silence, for I am the child's true father: Dannielynn Hope Marshall is the fruit of my loins. Anna Nicole and I met during a Deepak Chopra book signing at a Ft. Lauderdale Borders. Anna Nicole and I fled and made it to a Denny's, where we spent the rest of the night lost in conversation and Grand Slam specials. She spoke only of a life seared from the spotlight, a life where the spiritual and intellectual pursuits were unattainable; a life where sycophants and capitalists had reduced her existence to that of a Nabokov protagonist trying to break free of her psychological bonds in a dystopic world. (Her words, not mine.) We exchanged MySpace profile addresses and kissed. I must've stood in that parking lot for an hour after her taxi pulled away.
We met again in October '05 at the opening of Pure, a Las Vegas nightclub in the bowels of Caesar's Palace. I was battered and bruised from an unsuccessful tenure as joke writer for the Kerry presidential campaign and a newly cut American Idol semifinalist. She ran to me, lifted my chin with her gentle alabaster fingers, and whispered "get me out of here and take me to the stars, you silly, sexy beast." I am proud to say I did.
For the record, Mr. Stern was never spoken of in flattering terms, much less intimate ones. He was instrumental in seeing that our Las Vegas reunion was short-lived. Two days later, I woke up in the Nevada desert naked with the message, "Stay away, funny man...or else!" scrawled on my torso in powder-blue Sharpie ink. I know it was him who penned the threat.
Post Date: February 20, 2007
Post Title: Hey, Hallmark! Don't Stop Believing You Can Sell this Crap. I'm spending today kicking myself in the ass. It appears that the killer-app of all card ideas -- greeting cards that address some of the most soul-shattering shit that could happen to a person -- is being launched by the undisputed master of original prose and cutting-edge design: Hallmark Cards. Yes, the Hallmark Journeys line is now in stores, and we're all the better for it. Who of us hasn't been plagued by the inability to find that perfect card to thank a hospice worker or organ donor's family? Or for that matter, have a few cards on deck for the countless times you need to reach out to someone dealing with infertility, a miscarriage, or post-partum depression. (I'm not making this up; wait until you see the topic list.) Well, that think tank of a company in Kansas City, MO, has taken the worry away from us.
I assume the target market for these homogenized pastel ice-scrapers are mouth-breathers who think they're being sensitive by sending a $2.49 card they picked up at Wal-Mart. Let's get something straight. If you know someone suffering from...
Cancer diagnosis, treatment, hair loss, recovery anniversary
Loss of young life
Infertility, miscarriage, postpartum depression
Waiting for test results
Caring for an aging parent
Thanking a hospice worker or organ donor's family
Eating disorders and diet support
...then handwrite them a personal note...or get them drunk and put your arm around them. Don't send a goddamn Hallmark card.