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Tuesday, December 26 Equestrian -- Spruce Meadows

FSW1 3:00 p.m. All right. All right. Enough of the touchy-feely holiday crap. Back to being myself. I say, to hell with horses. Next!

Wednesday, December 27 Avatar: The Last Airbender

Nickelodeon 6:30 p.m. I don't know what this is, but I'm going to start using it as my main excuse. You know, when my girlfriend says, "You sick pig. Can't you wait until we're out of the car?" I'll tell her I'm the last one and that I was "bending the air." The fate of the world rests in the seat of my jeans.

Thursday, December 28 Green Acres

TVLand 5:00 p.m. You'll notice that TV got weirder and weirder as consciousness-expanding drugs pervaded society. If there's one thing the Reagan administration did, it was to rein in this phenomenon. The "Just Say No" War on Drugs sidetracked bizarre television and replaced it with Bill Cosby's ugly sweaters for a while. I mean, there was a talking pig in Green Acres and that was 30 years ago. If we'd continued in that vein unchecked, TV would be incomprehensible, like Italian films about clowns. Sure, it's more fun to be goofed up on the good stuff, but you've got to come down once in a while. Let's have some coffee and work through the hangover instead of hitting the baggie again. That sort of thing.

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