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Monday, August 21

Gene Simmons Family Jewels

AETV 10:00 p.m. Watch Gene Simmons fart in bed? I'd rather not. Unless he pulls the ol' "Look how dark it is under the covers" act and locks his wife in for a classic "Dutch Oven" maneuver. Because that's just entertaining television.

Tuesday, August 22

Love Don't Cost a Thing

FAM 8:00 p.m. I've often considered it worthless myself. With our normally wide disparity in philosophies, who knew this one issue would find the Family Channel and me squarely in the same corner? It's good to see them progress on their normally squishy outlook on life. If they start to promote the abuse of good-time chemicals and risky sexual practices, I may have finally found my favorite network.

Wednesday, August 23

Plastic Surgery: Before and After

DHC 9:00 p.m. Whenever I want to watch TV and there's nothing on and I'm mindlessly flipping through the channels, one of these shows is always listed in the guide, and I think, "Hey, maybe they'll show some boob," and, my sweet Lord, I'm sorry I tune in to find out. Every time. Every stinkin' time.

Thursday, August 24

Sam, the Cooking Guy

CA4SD 9:30 p.m. Stewart, the TV Show Naming Guy. Unemployed is what he ought to be. Lame is what his ideas were. Bagging groceries is where his true talent lies. Evicted because of back rent due is what I wish for him. Angry is what he has made me.

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