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Tuesday, March 8 Perfect Proposal

TLC 36, 11:00am

The Learning Channel's daytime programming is a dearth of anything informative. It consists of emotional triggers and devices such as proposals, weddings, and makeover stories. The Learning Channel would be more entertaining and educational if they programmed reruns of AirWolf. I'd at least be aware of tactical strategies to employ against rebel insurgents while piloting a futuristic helicopter.

Days of Our Lives

NBC 7, 1:00 p.m.

Last summer I was unemployed, didn't have a driver's license or cable TV. After scrubbing the kitchen for the 10,000th time, I settled into a nice routine of watching daytime soaps on the four stations my antenna picked up. Friends would drop by to drag me out of the house, and I'd simply respond, "Can't leave. Bo's back in town, and Marlena's possessed by a demon."

Quacker Factory With Jeanne Bice

QVC 25, 7:00 p.m.

There are a lot of things in this astonishing universe I don't know about. I don't know how time, space, and matter are interconnected. I don't know what women want. I don't know what the Quacker Factory with Jeanne Bice is, and I hope I never do.

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