How do you think you look in a swimsuit?
S.H.: Pretty fuckin' sexy.
How do you feel in a swimsuit?
S.H.: Pretty fuckin' sexy.
How do you expect to look in a swimsuit in ten years?
S.H.: Like a fuckin' pile o' shit.
Is that what you're aiming toward?
S.H.: After ten more beers and ten more years, I'll be lookin' exactly like that.
Ten beers in ten years? What, you only get a beer a year?
S.H.: No, man. Ten beers a day for ten years.
- White Chippendale thong (the shrinkable type), $30, brand-new (pastoral Illinois scene painted on buttocks)
- Owns 15 to 20 suits
- Been roller-skating almost naked on boardwalk for ten years
- One tattoo: "Mac Meda Destruction Company"
- Turn-ons: Good smiles
- Turn-offs: Pit bulls and bad people
"Roller-skating in a swimsuit is like freedom, pure freedom. I guess it offends some people, and it might make some people jealous, but most folks smile, they think it's funny, and I like to wear costumes and to entertain people. I feel more comfortable this way, in a thong or a swimsuit of some sort, than I do in regular clothes. In clothes, I'm not in my element, but once I'm out here, skating and making people smile, then I'm in my element. It's all in good fun. When I started skating out here about ten years ago, my first suit was a Speedo, and I cut holes in it to make a thong. It just felt more comfortable that way. And then I started painting my butt to personalize the suits better. I use mirrors for painting, and plus I'm ambidextrous, so that helps. I think my favorite suit now is one that I got in Hawaii with palm trees and a sunset on it, but I haven't really worn it out yet. I'll probably only skate out here for another year or so. It depends how bad my body deteriorates. I listen to people's comments. I think, in general, people in swimsuits can look pretty scary, but I admire people who wear what they want to wear and do what they want to do. But when it gets to the point that more people run in fear than smile at me, then it might be time to hang up my skates."
MIKE MURPHY, 27
- O'Neill swim trunks, black, $45
- Owns 2 suits
- Three tattoos: Tribal design, tribal dragon, and eagle on the world
- Turn-ons: Curvy women, flat stomachs with definition
- Turn-offs: Love handles, girls who are too curvy for their tiny swimsuits
"When I drink a lot of beer, I can look a little chunky in a swimsuit, but then when I get in shape I can look pretty decent at times too. How I feel in a swimsuit probably depends on how I think I look. If I think I look good, then I feel great -- yeah, I'll walk around with my shirt off. Otherwise, I'll keep my shirt on. Actually, my life's changed quite a bit. Up until about 7th grade I was fine, you know, skinny. But then from 7th grade to about 12th grade I got fat, put on a bunch of weight. And then I lost about 60 pounds, so I only weigh about 180 right now, which is a much better weight for me. I'm interested in staying healthy, so I don't expect my body to go out of shape again. Actually, there are a lot of chubby people in swimsuits, a lot of overweight people and slightly overweight people. That's cool, though. You know, whatever."
DAVE KNOBLOCK, 27
- EMS swim trunks, navy blue, $20 (hand-me-down from college buddy)
- Owns 3 suits, no board shorts, no Speedos
- No tattoos
- Turn-ons: The small of the back of a woman
- Turn-offs: Girls with big bellies
"How do I look in a swimsuit? Dead sexy. [Laughs] No. You want to know the truth? Probably not that attractive at all. But that's all right. As long as I'm comfortable. If I'm toned up I feel real good in a swimsuit; if I'm not toned up, I could feel better. But the last time I was toned up was probably about five years ago. All I need in a swimsuit is for it to cover up my butt, because I have a pretty big butt. As long as it doesn't fall off when I dive into the ocean. I used to look damn good in a swimsuit, but in ten years, I don't know. I'll probably be a lot fatter and a lot hairier."
NICK DORNSIFE, 21
- Billabong board shorts, black with white flowers, $25 (had them four years)
- Owns 3 suits
- No tattoos
- Turn-ons: The girls in San Diego
- Turn-offs: Places where the girls don't stay in shape
"I guess I look all right in a bathing suit. I feel pretty confident. I like to go for runs on the beach and stuff. Or splash around in the water and dive for Frisbees. Hopefully, I'll be able to stay in shape for a long time. I like to work out. And I'm trying to get into the Navy SEALs right now, so hopefully that'll work out and keep me in great shape."
STEPHAN ROUNDTREE, 41
- Nike swim trunks, black, $25
- Owns 7 or 8 suits
- No tattoos
- Turn-ons: Sports, fitness
- Turn-offs: Lack of time to do sports
"I always feel good in my bathing suits, as long as I'm not overweight. And as long as I'm in shorts, I'm always working out, so that's good. I run, cycle, swim. Ten years ago, I couldn't even wear a swimsuit. I mean, I lost about 100 pounds. Now I just try to stay within 20 percent of my optimum body weight. My impression of swimsuits in general is, I think color is still not used properly in most swimwear. Like bright oranges and yellows -- you know, tropical colors -- you don't see them as much in men's stuff. What I'd like to be wearing right now is a bright orange and blue, but then I'd hit the water and the colors would fade. Especially in a swimming pool, the colors fade. So the way the textures hold the colors in swimsuits is no good. I'm a product development engineer, so I think a lot about what can make various products better."