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Lord Matt of Knowledge:

There are ongoing rumors suggesting that [British] Prince Harry has issues. Or, more precisely, he isn't Charles's issue. Does anyone concerned with the succession to the throne see anything in these rumors? Suppose HRH Chuck is in a chukka and drives a hard shot into the spectator area. The ball hits William, who was chatting up some suitably leggy blonde, and he falls over dead. Chuck, stunned by what has happened, does a cropper. Breaks his neck. Now, if rumors are more than that, James Hewitt's son is next in line to the throne. Is that seen as a problem by anyone on that pile of rocks called England?

-- UncPac59, the net

No. They'd rather have all the dirt on that leggy blond. Brits long ago realized the Windsor family has this nagging Y-chromosome problem. The women are tough cookies; the men are chinless wonders who continually disappoint. Even the men who marry into the family fall under the curse and go all haywire. If history is any predictor, Liz will probably outlive all of them anyway. Decades from now, they'll be wheeling her around in her throne, with footmen carrying her scepter and the Depends. Meaning no disrespect, of course.

So exactly who does get to be king? If Prince Harry really is the son of Army officer James Hewitt after his affair with Diana, as the snickering tabloids suggest, does he lose his turn? Not likely. On all the paperwork, he's Charles's. In actual fact, the person with the crown serves at the pleasure of Parliament. Blood can only get you so far; succession is also determined by law. If Parliament believes the next in line is a scoundrel likely to bring Britain to political ruin, they can boot him out, no matter who he's related to. Besides, there's a ton of suspicious DNA in just about every royal family. And the Windsors have given England enough headaches. Why would Parliament want to add DNA testing to the list?

As it's presently set up, Britain's king list goes boys first, oldest first. After Liz is son Charles. Then his sons William and Harry. Fourth is Charles's brother Andrew, Fergie's ex. Fifth and sixth are Andrew's girls, Beatrice and Eugenie. Seventh and eighth are Edward and Anne, Charles's and Andrew's brother and sister. Ninth and tenth are Anne's kids, Peter Phillips and Zara Phillips. And here we may have a glimmer of hope. About a year ago, Zara had her tongue pierced. England needs a queen who's had her tongue pierced. Look out for those Windsor women.

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