One afternoon Italo tries to drag me over to UCSD. It starts in the courtyard of his compound in Pacific Beach, amid the blue fountains covered with wandering animals and the tables full of wrought-iron vases.

Back in those heady days at college — before engagement, before marriage, and before Fin — I helped Deirdre through a stressful study session by reading her Freud on feces. We were in a classroom, …

Matt-o-Matic: At the end of the Frank Toyota commercials that have been airing in the mornings on KOGO, there is a little girl who knocks on some sort of wood and asks, "Is that you, …

Dear Matt: I've lived in Manhattan Beach and San Diego and noticed the same thing at sunset at both locations. The seagulls always flew south at sunset in M.B., and the seagulls and pelicans do …

Dear Mr. Alice: This conspiracy theory-addled, vegan-activist dork I work with tried to tell me the item called "natural flavorings" in ketchup/catsup is pig's blood. But "natural flavorings" are in so-called vegan ketchup too. Would …

Dear Matthew Alice: I've recently purchased a lovely new toaster from my neighborhood Target. My toaster has two-slice capability, but I noticed there is a designated slot for the toasting of only one slice, and …

Matmail: I'm afraid you'll have to fire the elf who told you that butterflies are called "Milchdieb" in Germany. I've lived there most of my life and never heard that expression. The German word for …

It's eight o' clock Saturday morning at the Tijuana train station, and the locals gather to gawk at 250 gringos, most outfitted with expensive cameras and video gear, waiting for a ride. The Tijuana station …

To recap from last week: I wrote 108 state and federal prisoners who had posted personal ads on the World Wide Web (www.pennpals.com/, www.inmate.com/, and www.cyberspace-inmates .com/). What follows is the text of my letter. …

A Sunday story by Union-Tribune reporter Phil LaVelle on Proposition A, the taxpayer-financed convention-center-expansion measure on June's city ballot, left out a couple of key facts. The U-T story insisted that "the plan calls for …

March 21,1997(Friday, 7a.m. to 3p.m.) ... and including, The Tale of the Palm (Act II): The Fiat is not to be seen when first I peek this morning, it remains in the driveway and the …

When she first visited my office, Joanne was Mary, and I was not surprised when she told me that not long before she had been Mark. She had a linebacker’s 5´10˝, 246-pound blocklike frame and …

Matmail: If a female ballet dancer is called a ballerina, what's a male ballet dancer called? I've always wondered. -- J. Sorensen, the Net I hope you have a new wonderment waiting offstage, because you …

Dear Mr. Alice: Why is it that when a TV commercial comes on, the volume is automatically raised to a seemingly ridiculous level? What is the network's position on this? Are there stations that will …

Dear Matthew: All the TV commentators made it abundantly clear that Nagano is pronounced NAG-a-no. In my Random House Unabridged, 1971 edition, the verdict: Na-GAN-o. Merriam-Webster dictionary on the Internet, the verdict: Na-GA-no. I have …

Larry Lawrence, the late owner of the Hotel del Coronado and Bill Clinton's one-time ambassador to Switzerland, achieved posthumous ignominy when it was revealed that his purported wartime service in the Merchant Marine was a …

My computer monitor lights up with a picture of a bare-chested, buffed-up, tattooed male, maybe 30 years old, with black hair and mustache. Alongside the photo is a headline announcing "Jeff Rendall's Personal Message to …

When La Jolla-based Copley Newspapers this past weekend suddenly shuttered the Santa Monica Outlook, the move set off rumors among staffers at the Union-Tribune. Ever since the San Diego Evening Tribune was merged with the …

Dear Matt: I got the enclosed editorial from the House of Onyx, which, incidentally, makes its profits from selling gems to well-heeled anti-government types. When I read it, I got a twinge of concern for …

For several months last year, they tore up the streets in my neighborhood, installing a new sewer. I watched this closely, for I had taken — have still — a deep interest in repairs. Repairs, …

Oh, Almighty Matt: I noticed a great dip in the fast lane about half a mile from the I-5/805 split. What's the reason for that? Did they run out of dirt to fill in the …

Dear Mr. Alice: My mom and I were watching a butterfly and I asked her why they're called butterflies. They fly, but we couldn't figure out where the butter comes in. Can you help us? …

Dear Matthew Alice: We all know that people like to toss coins into fountains and other artificial bodies of water, but why? To make a wish? How did this practice of throwing money away into …

Two weeks ago, on Saturday night at around 8:30 p.m. in Plaza Bonita, three janitors mopped blood off the tile floor beside a golden carousel that spun and thundered "You're a Grand Old Flag." Mr. …

A few weeks ago, Tony Perry, a reporter for the L.A. Times who knows I love Walt Whitman's poetry, called me on the telephone. "What would Whitman make of the fact," he asked, "that Bill …

In January of 1993, nine inches of rain fell on the San Diego/Tijuana region, seven inches more than normal for the month. Most of the rain fell within a two-week period, flooding many parts of …

New Yorkers will stand in line for any number of things, but when it's your turn at the counter, or to get on the bus, the idea is to just get on with it: let's go, move it.

1990. I was tending bar and would have to duck out into the men’s room, and pray for an unoccupied stall where I could place my hands over my face, let my shoulders rise and fall.

Now it can be told. Now the growers of the top-ten moneymaking crops in San Diego County for 1996 can gather 'round, take a look back over 1997, and weigh in with their judgments. They …

Greets, Matt: We recently read about the fellow trying to circle the globe in a balloon. This raised a serious question for us. Uh...what does he do with his #1 and #2? Moreover, how do …

Dear Matthew Alice: Why do restaurants serve Diet Coke as their only diet soda? A lot of us prefer Pepsi (diet). Personally, I find Diet Coke rather gross tasting. Maybe it's easier to water down? …

Hi, Matt: Since you are the knower of all good and evil and everything in between, my daughter, age 11, and I thought we would ask you about a song. "Song #2" by Blur has …

On Wednesday, February 4, 1998, José Tovar Serrano, 35, and his brother Rubén, 33, were killed in the torrential El Nino storm that began on the night of February 3. They were among the first …