Teenage runaway to doddering old vaudevillian who has just suggested she go up to his bedroom and pick out something to wear: "How do I know you're not some kind of pervert?" Doddering old vaudevillian to teenage runaway who has just emerged from the trunk of his Pierce Arrow stark naked but for a deflated inner tube: "Just take a look at me." Teenage runaway, after a long look, giving doddering old vaudevillian another shot at a punchline: "How do I know you're not some kind of pervert?" Doddering old vaudevillian trying again: "If I were, I'd have had cards printed." Brooke Shields here seems already past the age where she can decently try to be cute. So where does that put George Burns? With Lorraine Gary; directed by Leonard Stern. (1979) — Duncan Shepherd
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