Diary of a Diva

Lord of the prize

A birthday turtle beheaded.

“There was a huge killer whale, but man, with all the recent press, that wouldn’t be a good thing.”

Tic tact

Barb narrowly avoids being suspected of crack-smoking.

“I wasn’t doing cocaine in the greenroom, I promise,” I said with a somewhat crazed nervous giggle. She smiled, nodded slowly, and then excused herself to go get changed.

Ever after

What? No parmesan? I want a divorce!

When a friend of mine, who is a few years younger than I am (on the earlier side of her 30s), announced that she was getting a divorce, I was dumbfounded. So soon? I thought ...

Move On

Kissed by another man’s wife.

“So? David didn’t get me flowers either,” I said. “Is it at all possible that you’re looking for ways to vilify the guy because that would somehow make kissing his wife an acceptable thing to do?”

Santa Fe or Scandanavia?

Can't pet a reindeer in Nicaragua

I sighed and then held up my phone so David could see the image of the castle I’d been ogling. “I love that Stephanie is posting pics of all her adventures,” I said. Steph, my ...

When skin touches skin

I stretched my arm out across the bed, but when my hand felt only fabric, a pang of panic gripped me. I cast about in the darkness, a sense of desperation rising in my chest, ...

Freaking Frauds

Somebody takes a joy ride with Barb’s money

I sifted through the messy pile of papers on my desk, growing more agitated by the moment. “I know I wrote down the confirmation number,” I said to David, who was standing beside me, waiting. ...

Hard truths

Barb is told she needs more vacations.

The nervousness I felt was rote — anxiety is my body’s automatic response when I’m awaiting test results of any kind, be they medical or scholastic. This one was called a “personality assessment.” It was ...

I. Hate. Mimes.

“Ooh, I know!” Terri’s face lit up so suddenly and brightly, I pictured a little cartoon bulb over her head. “What about mimes? I even have the perfect outfit to wear.” “No mimes,” David said ...

Gah! Ugh.

Barb’s life has real meaning — without kids.

“Gah!” I grumbled at my computer screen. “What?” Of course David had to ask. You can’t sit four feet away from someone who’s grumbling at her computer screen and not ask. “Remember those funny cards ...