Diary of a Diva

Birthday boil

A little advice would have saved Barb’s sister’s lunch.

The first thing we asked for was a round of waters. “None for me, thanks,” Jenny said to our shock, opting instead for a diet soda. “You really should drink some water,” we insisted.

Lord of the prize

A birthday turtle beheaded.

“There was a huge killer whale, but man, with all the recent press, that wouldn’t be a good thing.”

Tic tact

Barb narrowly avoids being suspected of crack-smoking.

“I wasn’t doing cocaine in the greenroom, I promise,” I said with a somewhat crazed nervous giggle. She smiled, nodded slowly, and then excused herself to go get changed.

Ever after

What? No parmesan? I want a divorce!

When a friend of mine, who is a few years younger than I am (on the earlier side of her 30s), announced that she was getting a divorce, I was dumbfounded. So soon? I thought ...

Move On

Kissed by another man’s wife.

“So? David didn’t get me flowers either,” I said. “Is it at all possible that you’re looking for ways to vilify the guy because that would somehow make kissing his wife an acceptable thing to do?”

Santa Fe or Scandanavia?

Can't pet a reindeer in Nicaragua

I sighed and then held up my phone so David could see the image of the castle I’d been ogling. “I love that Stephanie is posting pics of all her adventures,” I said. Steph, my ...

When skin touches skin

I stretched my arm out across the bed, but when my hand felt only fabric, a pang of panic gripped me. I cast about in the darkness, a sense of desperation rising in my chest, ...

Freaking Frauds

Somebody takes a joy ride with Barb’s money

I sifted through the messy pile of papers on my desk, growing more agitated by the moment. “I know I wrote down the confirmation number,” I said to David, who was standing beside me, waiting. ...

Hard truths

Barb is told she needs more vacations.

The nervousness I felt was rote — anxiety is my body’s automatic response when I’m awaiting test results of any kind, be they medical or scholastic. This one was called a “personality assessment.” It was ...

I. Hate. Mimes.

“Ooh, I know!” Terri’s face lit up so suddenly and brightly, I pictured a little cartoon bulb over her head. “What about mimes? I even have the perfect outfit to wear.” “No mimes,” David said ...