Local mobile ATM operator "cashes in" on State's decision to ban use of welfare debit cards in strip clubs, casinos, and massage parlors.

"I'm there when you need me."

PARKING LOT OF CHEETAH'S TOTALLY NUDE - Earlier this month, the California legislature voted to pass AB493, a bill outlawing the use of CalWORKS debit cards at ATMs located inside strip clubs, casinos, and other places where a guy who's down on his luck can go to forget his troubles for a few hours. When he heard the awful news, Lemon Grove entrepreneur Mike McIntyre knew it was time to start making sweet, sweet lemonade from the sour lemons put forth by the new law. McIntyre, who owns a local EZ-ATM mobile cash machine franchise, decided to start working nights.

"Look," explained McIntyre, "people are going to get their swerve on, and that's all there is to it. The government has decided to make it a little harder, but really, all that means is an increased opportunity for the private sector. I feel bad for these guys - they're already short of ready cash, and my ATM charges $5 per transaction instead of the usual $2.75. But sometimes you have to pay a premium for convenience, you know? I post my nightly route online, so they know right when I'll be there for them.

"I'm just sorry they didn't ban the use of those cards at liquor stores, too. I mean, can you even imagine?"