Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Where God Is Always Happy

Title: Venus Andrecht: Where God Is Always Happy

Address: http://venusandrech…">venusandrecht.com

Author: Venus Andrecht

From: Ramona

Blogging since: 2007

Post Title: Too Outrageous for a Title

Post Date: June 5, 2012

My doctor of Oriental medicine tells me I need to breathe through my anus.

I am kind of surprised.

He tells me my Chi is stuck in my head and chest. He says I need to pull it down and out of my body. He says the way to do that is by breathing through my anus.

I’m silent.

My doctor and I work over the phone. I have put him in charge of my health and am finding I have taken on another full time job.

Sponsored
Sponsored

No more wine, coffee, tea, alcohol, gluten, grains, or dairy.

Only water and healthy meats and mainly above-ground organic vegetables while we straighten me out.

I have become a self-involved health-minded prissy girl who has lost twelve pounds.

I may look good but my personality feels like it’s snoozing somewhere. I’m boring.

Well…maybe not. Maybe breathing through my anus will make me even more interesting through this time period.

Actually, let’s call that attempting to breathe through my anus.

When I call my daughter and tell her I’ve been instructed to breathe through my anus, she says, “Well Mom, you already know how to breathe out through your anus. It’s called a fart. How hard can breathing in be?”

She has a point.

However, when I follow the doctor’s phone instructions, here is how it goes.

“Stand with legs apart, shoulder width,” he commands.

“Bend at the waist, hang your head down, and touch your fingers to the floor.

“Straighten your legs.

“Take deep breaths through your anus and feel the air moving up into your head and chest.

“Are your legs trembling?” my doctor asks.

“No, but my arms are trembling.”

“Ah. A certain sign that your Chi is trapped in your upper body. You need to get those legs trembling with Chi.”

“What happens is I get dizzy and fall face forwards toward the floor.”

“Ah! Much Chi in your head!”

Friends, I am doing my best but my best is not so good.

I don’t seem to be a natural with Anal Breathing.

I can do a lot of things. I have many talents. But, I’ve learned a simple truth that makes my life go much better than it might be going: I concentrate on the abilities that come naturally to me. I am smart enough to know not to put a lot of time into things I can’t naturally do well.

When people tell me I’m so talented, I’m so smart, I’m such a Renaissance Woman, and they marvel at all I produce and accomplish, I tell them my secret.

“Do huge amounts of what you’re good at while you do the not-so-good things as minor sidelines.”

Guess where I am putting Anal Breathing in my life?

We’re just going to have to find another way to move the Chi. Maybe I can paint it out or write it out or yell it out.

I email my doctor that I have failed at Anal Breathing. He emails me back.

“I’ll talk to you on Thursday. It’s radical, but I know what we need to do to move that Chi. Just don’t eat for four hours before I call. You’ll need an empty stomach.”

Oh my?

You will notice that I didn’t use the word “anus” as part of my post title. In past blogs, I used the words “bosom” and “bra” in two different titles. I am still being spammed! What would have happened to me if I had used the “A” word?

COMMENT via Facebook:

This is a yoga type thing he is trying to get you to do to help you balance. It boils down to all about the breathing. I don’t do yoga, but I have done some dance and karate. If you just point to the left with your right arm across your body and forcefully redirect the point to the right, you have moved your energy from left to right. You move your energy and the cosmos with your MoJos. All you have to do is to pull that same energy in through the top of your head and push it out your foot or as the good doctor suggests, “Blow it out your @&&.”

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Top Websites To Buy Instagram Likes + Bonus Tip!

Title: Venus Andrecht: Where God Is Always Happy

Address: http://venusandrech…">venusandrecht.com

Author: Venus Andrecht

From: Ramona

Blogging since: 2007

Post Title: Too Outrageous for a Title

Post Date: June 5, 2012

My doctor of Oriental medicine tells me I need to breathe through my anus.

I am kind of surprised.

He tells me my Chi is stuck in my head and chest. He says I need to pull it down and out of my body. He says the way to do that is by breathing through my anus.

I’m silent.

My doctor and I work over the phone. I have put him in charge of my health and am finding I have taken on another full time job.

Sponsored
Sponsored

No more wine, coffee, tea, alcohol, gluten, grains, or dairy.

Only water and healthy meats and mainly above-ground organic vegetables while we straighten me out.

I have become a self-involved health-minded prissy girl who has lost twelve pounds.

I may look good but my personality feels like it’s snoozing somewhere. I’m boring.

Well…maybe not. Maybe breathing through my anus will make me even more interesting through this time period.

Actually, let’s call that attempting to breathe through my anus.

When I call my daughter and tell her I’ve been instructed to breathe through my anus, she says, “Well Mom, you already know how to breathe out through your anus. It’s called a fart. How hard can breathing in be?”

She has a point.

However, when I follow the doctor’s phone instructions, here is how it goes.

“Stand with legs apart, shoulder width,” he commands.

“Bend at the waist, hang your head down, and touch your fingers to the floor.

“Straighten your legs.

“Take deep breaths through your anus and feel the air moving up into your head and chest.

“Are your legs trembling?” my doctor asks.

“No, but my arms are trembling.”

“Ah. A certain sign that your Chi is trapped in your upper body. You need to get those legs trembling with Chi.”

“What happens is I get dizzy and fall face forwards toward the floor.”

“Ah! Much Chi in your head!”

Friends, I am doing my best but my best is not so good.

I don’t seem to be a natural with Anal Breathing.

I can do a lot of things. I have many talents. But, I’ve learned a simple truth that makes my life go much better than it might be going: I concentrate on the abilities that come naturally to me. I am smart enough to know not to put a lot of time into things I can’t naturally do well.

When people tell me I’m so talented, I’m so smart, I’m such a Renaissance Woman, and they marvel at all I produce and accomplish, I tell them my secret.

“Do huge amounts of what you’re good at while you do the not-so-good things as minor sidelines.”

Guess where I am putting Anal Breathing in my life?

We’re just going to have to find another way to move the Chi. Maybe I can paint it out or write it out or yell it out.

I email my doctor that I have failed at Anal Breathing. He emails me back.

“I’ll talk to you on Thursday. It’s radical, but I know what we need to do to move that Chi. Just don’t eat for four hours before I call. You’ll need an empty stomach.”

Oh my?

You will notice that I didn’t use the word “anus” as part of my post title. In past blogs, I used the words “bosom” and “bra” in two different titles. I am still being spammed! What would have happened to me if I had used the “A” word?

COMMENT via Facebook:

This is a yoga type thing he is trying to get you to do to help you balance. It boils down to all about the breathing. I don’t do yoga, but I have done some dance and karate. If you just point to the left with your right arm across your body and forcefully redirect the point to the right, you have moved your energy from left to right. You move your energy and the cosmos with your MoJos. All you have to do is to pull that same energy in through the top of your head and push it out your foot or as the good doctor suggests, “Blow it out your @&&.”

Comments
Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

OSHA rules wall falls our fault

Who, U.S.?
Next Article

Angry Pete’s goes from pop-up to drive-thru

Detroit Pizza sidles into the husk of a shuttered Taco Bell
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.